When it comes to relationships, everyone has a preference, a checklist, or a set of standards that they feel that their significant other should possess. However, I wonder if men sometimes set womens’ standards too high, are they settling, does the person who set these standards possess the same values that they want in a mate, or are they shallow in their expectations of a mate, that the one you are looking for may have been right up under your nose all along but value what she look like more than her personality? I have asked 30 men ranging from blue collar workers, white collar professionals, professional athletes, clinical professionals, entrepreneurs, authors, entertainers and religious leaders, etc. 12 basic questions on their views of women and relationships. Some of the answers I received were very interesting and stood out more than others which I felt were pertinent. However, all responses were recorded and viewed just as valuable as the others. Although I have mentioned some of the background of the careers these men are in, I vowed not to reveal the names due to confidentiality. I often run a circle of various people and sometimes I have the opportunity to join in a platform of dialogue about relationships with especially with men, along with read material, and multiple media feedback on relationships as well. So I did this survey for a few reasons, 1) I often hear women being bashed and/or blamed for relationship failures 2) I want to take a peek inside of men and see what they really feel and think of women, to give women more clarity and understanding and 3) to give women the opportunity to respond to how they may feel concerning the responses these men have given. I also talk to my ladies and we often complain about not finding the right man or there are not enough good men and most of the good men are already taken, maybe this can shed some light on that stigma.
These are the questions I asked:
1. Name 3 things that you feel are great characteristics in a good woman?
Honesty, intelligent, good cook, keep home clean, good personality, good communicator, open minded, confident, good energy, have direction in life, wholesome, organized, not promiscuous, patient, unselfish, compassionate, gentle, happy/pleasant, loving, warm, trusting spirit, genuine, loyal, compromising, cooperative, inspirational, nurturing, God-fearing, independent, great character
2. Name 3 things you dislike most about a woman?
Loud, smoker, follower, nasty attitude, talk too much, lack of effort in appearance, weight gain, still talking after I’m angry, use profanity, negative/pessimistic attitude and actions, not spontaneous, lazy sex, liar, violent, compare self to men, act like she don’t need a man, no ambition (lack of goals), don’t value relationships, living in the past, dishonest, vulgar, disloyal, controlling, uncompromising, socially and economically independent, carelessness, unsupportive, too opinionated, no sense of humor, very dependent
3. What qualifies a woman as a lifetime partner “wife”?
Not being able to live without her, have a plan for kids and the future and ready for that, good character and easy to get along with, take care of business, thoughtful and unselfish, if she can cook, clean, and smart, loyalty, good communicator, have my back, good mother, outgoing, respectable, friendship, dependable, have class, good chemistry, similar ideals concerning family and socialization, strong family unit, and blended family unit, same beliefs and value system, equally yoked biblically, compassionate, supportive through trials and tribulations, submissive, not argumentative, talk things out, peacemaker, compromise, good sex, basic domestic abilities, genuine personality, cooperative, respectful, give all mentally and physically, someone that will go through trials and tribulations with, nonjudgmental, God fearing, honest, confident, passionate, funny, commitment, strong, outgoing, funny, intelligent and independent.
4. What do you find that most women lack personally and/or professionally?
Compassion and understanding, lack of values, professionalism doesn’t matter, listening skills, self-confidence both personally and professionally, patience, self-composed hold to the “Angry Black Woman”, and proper etiquette professionally, patience, lack the knowledge of what “Real Help” means outside a monetary value, become too independent due to life situations, give up dreams and goals for a man, lack independence, it depends/varies from woman to woman, lack professionalism, humility.
5. What do you feel most women lack in a relationship?
Letting go of past hurt/baggage, understanding, thoughtfulness, consistency, trust, compromise, patience, listening skills, emotional displacement, ownership, not knowing self-worth, loyalty, unsure, financially Supportive of a Man.
6. What are some turnoffs of a woman?
Don’t take care of self, smoking, obese, not educated, lazy and abuse body, extreme ignorance, disagreeable, physical qualities, lazy in bed, loud mouth, nag, know it all, unmotivated, bad hygiene, lack of self-respect, selfish, unclean, acting like a man, nasty mouth, dressing provocatively, manipulator, no ambition, competitive and envy others, don’t value relationships, negative attitude, controlling, dishonest, no domestic abilities, close minded, loud, bad sex, poor listening skills, sexual easiness (promiscuous), not physically fit, unwilling to learn and be educated in different views, doesn’t like heritage, doesn’t like self, materialistic, argumentative, lack of communication, expect handouts, drama, give up and accept circumstances, lack of intelligence, and varies from woman to woman
7. Do you believe in specified gender roles? If so, what role do you believe a woman should play?
Most stated NO, some stated Yes, and a few stated it depends.
8. Does physical characteristics matter vs her personality?
In this portion, majority says that physical characteristics are very important with personality not falling too far behind. Very few stated that personality was more important than the physical, but all would like for a woman to equally to have both attributes. One person in particular stated he would take a little less personality and attitude if she look good.
9. Is there a time frame that you date a woman before you decide that you want to be in a committed relationship with her? If so what is the estimated time frame?
For this question all of the men stated that there was no specified time frame. However some went on to say that getting know the person and having mutuality in the direction of the relationship is very important. One also stated that discernment is important.
10. What ethical values must a woman possess?
To ride for one own kind first, family oriented, goals, good morals and integrity, Christian morals and values, non-judgmental, respect, honesty, responsibility, self-discipline, compassion, considerate, optimistic, reliable, spirituality, health and fitness, value family, unselfish, respectful, nurturing, education, and being a lady at all times, believe in a supreme being, not flirtatious, cleanliness, Integrity, wisdom, knowing and value the 10 commandments, basics, depends on the culture.
11. The qualities that you feel a woman should have do you have them as well.
Majority of the men responded YES to this question. A few stated SOMETIMES. There was one response that made me interpret his answer to be that being raised by a single woman and what women do, that men should possess those qualities, but unsure if men meet the standards and qualities that women have in that aspect. (As a mother)
12. Do you feel that women are the root cause of relationship failures? Do you think men contribute in any way? If so how?
Complete answer of NO across the board and says it’s both women and men
These were the responses from 30 men I asked these same questions. A lot of it was repetitive, but I compiled each response. In Actuality, these men had a lot to say explaining the nature of their answers, but due to timing constraints, man power, and the extensive feedback I received, I had to drastically get straight to the answers for the article. I think that some are looking for the perfect person, but we all come with flaws. That perfect person doesn’t exist, just the perfect one for you.
Please women and men please give me your feedback on the questions and answers to this survey.
**Upcoming articles: Sexual Assault Awareness, Breast Cancer Awareness, and Dating someone with children with multiple partners**………….Stay tuned, it’s going to get real interesting. ………
Columnist/Enticing Resultz Magazine